A Troubled Past, But Creating Bright Futures

Mark Graves, Area Supervisor for the Boys and Girls Clubs of the Twin Cities pictured with two Club members
Photo credit: Mark Graves

"Where we lived, we couldn't just go outside and walk around"

I was born in Oakland, California and lived in the projects of Los Angeles as a child. Growing up in Compton, the only people that didn't look like me were teachers and police officers. Where we lived, we couldn't just go outside and walk around. We didn't have the opportunity to go to a Boys and Girls Club. It was traumatic 'cause nothing was stable. We were always just movin,' movin,' movin.' I remember going to two or three different schools throughout the year, sometimes even more. Changing schools, we never really got the chance to meet and have friends. We decided to move to Minnesota because of stability...and we were poor.

"I knew someone was always looking out for me"

Like I said, we grew up in the projects so we were considered the poor family of the neighborhood. Which of course, we were. I think one of the unique things about me, and sometimes I don't share this, is that I've never met my dad. I didn't even find out his name until I was in my thirties. The only reason I mention that is 'cause for most people, growing up with something that traumatic, it might lead them in a bad direction. The presence of my mom was so strong though. I remember her working just about every odd job you could think of, sometimes two or three at a time. As an African American single female, she didn't have a lot of opportunity. Her main job, though, was a school teacher, which was tough on me 'cause she always knew if I was in school or not. (Laughs) Although it made life miserable, it was probably the only thing that got me through school because I knew someone was always looking out for me.

Mark Graves, bottom right, pictured with his mother, middle, and a few of his siblings

Photo credit: Mark Graves

I'm the youngest of thirteen; I have six older brothers and six older sisters. We were a very unique family being poor and from the projects and not having a male consistently around. My mother did whatever she could to take care of our family. I remember us eating and our mom not eating to make sure that we had enough food. With the size of my family and a single female as the head, it's almost impossible to keep that many children together. But we were never shipped out to anybody else or caught up in foster care, adoption, or anything like that. One of the ways that our mother kept us together was by having family night with board games and all of that corny stuff. Out of the thirteen of us somebody was always doing something entertaining. We had a very loving family. I think the most unique thing about our family was that, even with the absence of our fathers, we never once called each other stepbrother or stepsister. We ended up doing pretty well. Out of the thirteen of us, eleven are college graduates and two of the eleven have their master's degree.

"Quite the culture shock"

When we moved to Minnesota things slowed down and started changing for my family. We were able to stay in one school for the whole year, but coming to Minnesota and being the only African American kid in class was quite the culture shock. I struggled in middle school a lot 'cause everything was completely different coming from California to Minnesota. I was a troubled young man. (Pause) I was confused and angry 'cause of the situation with my father, so I got in trouble a lot. I also struggled a little bit my freshman and sophomore years in high school 'cause I was all over the place. School was tough for me. I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go, you know?

"I was headed for trouble"

The thing that saved me at eighteen was the situation I was faced with: either I was going to be homeless 'cause I didn't want to change or I needed to figure something out 'cause I was headed for trouble. And I was headed there quick. (Pause) I went into the Army. And that changed everything. I was doing things I had no idea I was able to do, like getting pushed to the limits mentally and physically. But I kept going even when I thought, 'I can't go any further, this is the worst.' The military brought direction and discipline into my life.

Mark Graves, pictured in Army uniform

Photo credit: Mark Graves

"I was on a roll... And I wanted to keep going"

Once I was out of the Army, I went back to school for Sports Management. I was on a roll after I left and I wanted to keep going. Sports was the thing that I liked. I thought I was going to be a high powered agent. (Laughs) If I would've been smart I probably would have gone for some type of Youth Studies. After college I was unable to find work and I started wandering. One day my nephews had a basketball game and their coach didn't show up. They said, "Uncle Mark, can you at least sit on the bench?" Volunteer coaching was kind of my start and that eventually led to being a part time Physical Education Director at my old Club back in nineteen ninety.

"Once you get around the kids it's hard to leave"

I've held almost every position at the Boys and Girls Club other than Vice President and President. I've been the Maintenance Man, Physical Education Director, and Program Director. I was the first Program Director for the Twin Cities Clubs. They created that role for me 'cause they didn't know what to do with me. (Laughs) And now I'm the Area Supervisor for the Boys and Girls Clubs of the Twin Cities. It started off with volunteering, but once you get around the kids it's hard to leave. They're addictive.

"I tell people the Club saved my life"

I had no idea I was going to stay with the Boys and Girls Club for so many years. I've learned not to judge people 'cause things happen due to circumstances. But I always try to remember myself when I see the kids totally out of control. I go back and say, 'Mark, think of the people that tried to work with you at that age. What would they think?' I try to keep that in mind and be fair, passionate, and open. I'm working on keeping my energy up so I have the strength to help those families who desperately need it. It takes a lot out of you. But I'm no saint, sometimes I still feel like I haven't done enough.

Mark Graves, second from left, pictured with Boys and Girls Club staff

Photo credit: Mark Graves

If I didn't make the commitment to the Army and if I didn't have the Boys and Girls Club, I don't think I would be here. I was lost. I was totally confused. My life was completely out of control. (Pause) If I didn't have the stability of the Club, I couldn't tell you where I would be. I tell people the Club saved my life. Do I have regrets about being here? Not at all. Overall, my life has been so blessed. My son is a senior at a university and my thirteen year old daughter can't wait to go college. I spend so much time with the kids at the Club that I consider them my own children. I prefer this lifestyle to the past lifestyle I tried to live. Doing the work I do gives me peace of mind. I can't think of anything else I would want to do, and I can't think of anything else that would give me as much pleasure and pain than being at the Club. (Laughs)