Making Every Day Count: An interview with Phil Ahern

Photo credit: Nicole Kesti

Level the Playing Field

I always sort of thought that I was switched in the hospital because I’m so different from the rest of my family. I think they sort of think everything I do is a little bit different than the way they do things. You gotta give back. You gotta really do things for other people, otherwise the community doesn’t really work. Volunteering has certainly made me a better father. I've been able to recognize how much my kids have in life, you know, that other kids don’t. My kids both volunteer and I think that my involvement with kids has opened up their eyes, too.

Some kids don’t have the opportunities that I had. It breaks my heart because they deserve it. Any kid can succeed if he’s given the right opportunities, and we all must be conscious of that. We should find ways that we can level the playing field. No matter how much the kids get out of my involvement, I might get a little more. You know, it's just really rewarding.

Growing Up

I thought I was going to be a professional baseball player. I never gave any thought to that fact. I was a pretty good baseball player. I just wasn’t good enough. So, I started college, studying psychology. I was in a rock ‘n roll band, on the road all the time, and I was playing basketball on the school team. So, I wasn't in school that much. I was having a lot of fun, but I wasn't necessarily going to classes, which was an issue. And… did I pass? Yes, but can I tell you anything about my major? (laughs) I was not a good student my first few years. You know, what sobered me up was getting married and having a daughter on the way. That's when I started to get serious about school. I thought, you need to do something quick; you don’t have time to study psychology.  So, I started taking business classes at the University of Minnesota. It allowed me to get a job and be successful with a company that I never left.

Getting Involved

I’ve got two kids and when they were younger, I coached them in everything. It was good for me because it got me out of the office. It gave me some structure, you know.  It meant I was going to see my kids more frequently rather than working all the time. My kids were always really appreciative. I think they wanted to see me more. They knew if I was coaching the team that I was gonna be there. It was also fun for them to share their friends with me. And I liked it! It was fun!

I think it was when I was coaching my kids that I realized I wanted to work with the younger generation in the future. I’d observe some of the other teams and see that they maybe weren’t having as much fun as my team. It felt good that these kids could look forward to doing something fun after a long day of school. So, I think that is when I realized I get as much out of it personally as the kids do.

Once my kids got into college and were no longer playing sports that I could coach, I became a volunteer for Guardian ad Litem in Hennepin County. You work with kids who have been neglected or abused within the Hennepin County system. You’re their advocate to convince the judge what you think is the best outcome for them. I did that for fifteen years. It was rewarding, but heartbreaking, as you might imagine.  You see a lot of things that you just can’t even imagine that people do to their kids.

Now, I’ve been involved at Beyond Walls for five years and I’m a board member. I help raise money and I negotiate with the University of Minnesota for court time, educational things and facilities.  Plus, I help with coaching, and sometimes drive the bus! I’m also involved in the Big Brother program, so I’ve got a ten-year-old little brother that I’m just starting to get to know. We all find out what our talents are, and for me, working with kids is something that is natural. It’s easy for me.

Reaching Beyond the Walls

Greg Zaff, who is the one that started NUSEA, contacted Rob Hanzel and I almost six years ago. He said, I want to come to Minneapolis and talk to you guys about something. We figured, you know, inner city kids don’t play squash.  It’s not going to work. He said, well, tell that to the thousands of kids that we’ve had go through the programs in other cities. So, he convinced us to start Beyond Walls here, in Minnesota. I wasn’t on board right away, but after I saw some videos, heard the success stories, and saw kids that had gone on to college, when nobody in their families had ever gone to college, then I got excited about it.  So, we built a board, raised some money and got some relationships with schools allowing us to start the program. I’m really lucky to have been involved.  

I’m proudest that I know we are going to have nine kids graduate this year from Washington Tech. Every one of them is going to go on to college. Some of them have already been accepted. I’m just enormously proud of these nine kids. None of their parents graduated from high school and certainly none of them went to college. They’re doing it on their own.  Another reason I got interested in this program is that nationally, NUSEA, and all the nineteen or twenty cities that we have these programs in, have a ninety-nine percent graduation rate for inner-city kids. That’s just unheard of. You know, I didn’t create the program, but I’m proud to be part of it.

Photo credit: www.beyondwallsmn.org

Everything has its Challenges

You gotta go into some pretty tough neighborhoods when you’re a Guardian ad Litem.  I had the toughest cases and there were times when I was afraid. You wonder when you hear gunfire, is that coming my way? Almost every case I’ve been on as a Guardian ad Litem was challenging. It was heartbreaking. You have to find a way to not carry it with you, because if you really let it affect you, you wouldn’t be able to live your life. You know, you spend time with the kid who hasn’t had any chance, and their parents are doing things to them that you can’t even imagine. For example, you show up and meet with your kid and he’s got a black eye. He says he ran into a door and you know he didn’t. Every moment like that is challenging.   

As a Guardian ad Litem, you get to know everybody that’s involved with the kid.  You use all that information from family, friends, psychologists, and therapists to form your opinion about what’s the right thing for these kids to do. It’s time consuming, but it’s so important.  There just aren’t enough guardians. Unfortunately, the number of abused and neglected kids in danger is huge. It’s been a lot of work, but also really rewarding.

My last case as a Guardian ad Litem was the only time that a judge didn’t listen to my advice. This one particular time, I knew that the parents were scamming him and me, and that all the things they said they were gonna do in terms of education and treatment, they weren’t really gonna follow through with.  My recommendation to the judge was, they’re saying all the right things, but I’m not buying it. I recommended that they not be reunited and these parents continue the education and treatment program. The judge didn’t listen and he reunited the family.  I moved to California, and a month later, I got a call from the grandmother of the kids.  She said, you were right, and I was right. Everything has gone in the wrong direction since the judge made the bad ruling. It was the judge’s bad call, but he didn’t hear enough from me to convince him that I was right, so that’s probably my one regret out of the many years I have volunteered.

It’s not as much fun as Beyond the Walls, you know, because the other thing is, you get to know these kids, however, the rules are very strict. You’re there to do a specific job. There's not a personal relationship after the case is closed.  This was all challenging.

Living in Fear

Three weeks ago, after the election, I was driving the bus on Saturday and doing the pick-up at Powderhorn. One kid, who is usually very talkative, got on the bus first. This kid wasn’t talking that day, and I said, what’s goin’ on? Didn’t get much sleep last night? You know, kind of joking. But there was no response. And this is a talkative kid, so I said, is something going on at home?  Still no response. Then I took a chance and said, is this about the election?  This person said, my parents are undocumented. My older sister is undocumented, because she was born in Mexico. I’m a citizen and my younger brother is a citizen. My parents said that three of us are going back to Mexico. I and my younger brother are going into the foster care system. Well that impacted me.

We all might have had different feelings about the election. I may not have liked the answer, but there’s no real reason I’m threatened by the president elect. But here’s a real situation and it made me think, I’m sure we have other kids in this program whose parents are undocumented and are living in fear.  Things were kind of somber around here the week after the election. They’re starting to come out of it, so I think the parents are starting to feel maybe a little bit more comfortable, but that really had an impact on me.

Stepping Out

If I could give advice to my younger self, there would be so much that I would say. (pause) I would tell myself, don't be afraid to fail. Do things that you're not good at and you might find out that you're good at them. Being comfortable is not a good thing.

I didn't get involved as a Guardian Ad Litem until I was in my forty's. So, I think I would tell myself, this is something you can do in your twenty's. You have time. Make every day count. I think if I'd gotten involved in things earlier, I could have said every day counted. Instead, I got caught up in my job success and making money. I would tell twenty-one year-old Phil that, there are more important things and to recognize that.

My advice for you is the same advice I would've given myself. Get involved early. There's something you can do and maybe it's not really in your comfort zone, but it's going to be rewarding. There are a lot of people that need your help, there really are. More than there are of us.